[Looking at our dinner as Burcu began to have stronger contractions] 

“So this is what I’ll be pooping on my doctor tonight.  Hope they like baked ziti.” 

 

[Trying to get Juniper to breastfeed] 

“It’s like trying to get a gay man interested in your boobs.” 

 

[Watching Juniper smile as she sleeps] 

B: “Look, I think she’s dreaming.”

A: “I wonder what babies even dream about.”

B: “Murder.”

 

What’s a Turkism? Find out here.

“If I were a lawyer, I’d sue the English language.” -Burcu

You asked for it. 

You got it. 

The Classics…presented in a special Classics Edition Awards Format.

 

Best Made-Up Word:

 

fen-a-cious  \fuh-ˈnā-shəs, fi-\

-adjective

1. a polysyllabic word meaning anything the speaker wants it to mean
2. an intelligent-sounding word used at the speaker’s discretion to either give the appearance of having a robust vocabulary or to test the vocabulary of the listener
3. can be used to subversively bullshit a listener to determine if the individual is confident enough in his or her vocabulary to cry foul

 Also, phenacious

 Origin:

2002-2004; Unknown, from somewhere within the winding bowels of Burcu’s mind

 

 Best Swear/Insult:

 

“You don’t know shit about fuck.”

 

 Best Lost for Words Moment:

 

[This interaction took place a few days before we were set to go canoeing on the scenic Middle Fork River in Kickapoo State Park near Danville, Illinois.  Several friends from grad school were joining us in celebration of Burcu’s birthday and her very first canoe experience.]

 

I was sitting in my office, grading papers, when Burcu walks up and stands in the doorway.

[Excitedly]

“I can’t wait to go canoeing.

Wow, canoeing!  It’s going to be so much fun.

I’ve never been canoeing before.”

[Burcu leaves, stops, then pokes her head in the door.]

“What’s a canoe?”

 

Best Turkism Ever:

 

[This took place while we were visiting the house of our more conservative friends, late in the evening after dinner.  Burcu had been talking animatedly about a subject I can no longer recall when, searching for the right word, she said this instead.  It is important to note that she did not know this word beforehand.]

“…jizzing.”

[I turn to her, shocked.]

“Ha, jizzing.  I just made that up.  What a great word!”

[I begin to laugh nervously.]

“Just jizzing.  Yeah, that’s it.  I’m just jizzin’.  I think I’ll use that for when you’re just hanging out and people ask how you’re doing.”

[My repeated nudges go unheeded.  The looks on the other couples’ faces are priceless.]

“I’m just jizzin’.  What?”

[I explain to Burcu, in as polite of terms as is possible given the situation, that she did not invent this word, that it already has a meaning, and that she is grossly misusing it.]

“Eh, I still like my way better.”

 

Closing note:

“Just jizzin” actually witnessed a slow, but persistent, growth in popularity amongst select members (no pun intended) of the Anthropology Department at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (hollah!).  My dream has always been to return to campus, maybe a decade from now, hear everyone using the phrase “Just jizzin,” and then die contentedly knowing that my wife changed not just my world, but everybody’s world for the better.

 

Shampoo-Bananers, feel free to share your favorite Turkisms from her heyday in the comments section.

 

What’s a Turkism? Find out here.

“If I were a lawyer, I’d sue the English language.” -Burcu